#TeaserTuesday | A Snippet From ‘Blur’
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“I told Mark. Confessed the whole thing before I left.”
“See, that’s what I don’t understand,” Kyle replied, shaking his head. “After all he’s done, you didn’t owe him shit.”
“I didn’t want him to find out from someone else. Mark wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but that doesn’t mean that he deserved what I did. No one deserves that.”
“No one except you, right?”
Jade cringed at his tone…and the truth. “Well, what does it matter now? That’s all behind me. I’m moving on.” With a glint in her eyes, she grinned. “And you’re gonna help me.”
“Yeah?” Kyle narrowed his eyes. “How so?”
“By being my Fuck It Coach.”
Leaning back against the booth, Kyle remained quiet. A full minute passed as he considered her request. “Nah,” he concluded. “You be fightin’ the fuck it.”
“That was then.” Adjusting her posture, Jade lifted her chin and held his gaze. “C’mon man…I’m ready now. I promise you I can do this. I have to.” She sighed and looked down as her bravado deflated. “I need to move on. Please.”
When Kyle cursed under his breath, Jade looked up to see his shoulders sag in defeat.
“So that’s a yes?” She smiled, doing her best not to show all of her teeth. “You’ll be my Fuck It Coach?”
“Not to my level, but okay,” Kyle clarified quickly. “I’ll coach to a level that works for you.”
Unable to contain her excitement any longer, Jade clapped her hands then clasped them together before she propped her chin on her fists. “Okay, Coach…where do we start?”
“First off, I need you to be for real about this.”
She nodded eagerly and waited for further instructions.
“Next, shield up.” Kyle pinned her with a serious look. “You are the gatekeeper through which all fucks must pass. No gives unless it’s worthy.” He narrowed his eyes. “This ain’t a game, J-Dub. Stay woke.”
“For real?” She snickered until his frown killed her amusement. “Wow. You’re really serious, huh?”
“Dead ass.”
“Okay, okay. I just never heard it that way before, so my bad…I’m listening now. For real, for real.” Forcing herself to keep a straight face, Jade acknowledged the gravity of Kyle’s directive with a curt nod. “What do I need to do first?”
“You need to focus on you,” Kyle stated plainly. “Then, find something legitimate to give your fucks to.”
Now it was Jade’s turn to frown.
“Let’s break this down,” he continued, bracing his elbows on the table. “It’s all about the anatomy of a thing.” Kyle saw the hint of a smile tease Jade’s lips and paused. When her face was straight and she appeared focused once again, he continued. “From this point forward, it’s critical for you to understand that fucks are life. Why? Because a fuck equals time plus energy…with said energy being body, emotions, mind, and spirit.”
Confused but intrigued, Jade bit her lip and nodded hesitantly. “Oh…kay?”
“Fucks are also like coins,” Kyle explained. “And coins are…”
When she realized he was asking her a question, Jade’s eyes searched her surroundings before she finally met his gaze. “Currency?”
“Exactly. Currency that must be invested wisely and is too valuable to be wasted…because fucks equal…”
“Time plus energy,” Jade answered confidently. “So…basically, I should stop wasting my time and energy on things and people?”
“Unrealistic.” Kyle watched as her face fell at his sharp rebuttal. “We’re human,” he quickly added. “We can’t completely check out on things and people because we need things and people. So what I’m saying is…since fucks have to be given, it’s your job to make sure to only give them to legit things and worthy people.”
“Oh,” she replied, still unsure. “That makes sense.”
Watching her wrestle with his words, Kyle’s eyes softened. “Look, I know it’s hard for you to really process all this because, deep down, you’re a sweetheart, Jade. Always have been. It’s your nature to give; it’s who you are and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’d just like to see you become more selective about who and what you give a fuck about…because everybody and everything don’t deserve it.”
She smiled. “I can do that.”
“You know how they say don’t waste words on people who deserve your silence? Same applies for fucks.” Kyle relaxed against the booth, stretching his long legs underneath the table. “So…rule number one?”
Recognizing his prompt, Jade leaned forward to reply. “Don’t waste your fucks on people who don’t deserve…” Her eyes fell to the table as she searched for the correct response. At a loss, she finally looked up and waited for a hint.
“You, Jade,” he said as she stared at him in surprise. “Your smile, your wit, your beauty, your humor, your warmth, your charm, your affection, your generosity, your loyalty, your heart—stop wasting your fucks on things that don’t really matter and people who don’t deserve you.”
‘BECAUSE MY HEART SAID SO’ is available now on Amazon & Barnes & Noble.
Rae Lamar 